My Mother's Keeper Read online

  INTRODUCTION “How do you spell schizophrenia?” Christine asked. I had given my students the assignment to write anything on the card that they would like to see an author write about.

  “Do you know someone with Schizophrenia?” I asked her, spelling the word as I asked the question.

  “My mom,” she quietly told me, getting teary-eyed. “She is back in the hospital, and it is my fault,” Christine sobbed.

  “Why is it your fault?” I asked.

  “I am supposed to see that she takes her medicines. But, I can’t get her to take them. She yells at me that she doesn’t need them. Now she is in the hospital again and it is my fault.”

  Christine broke into heavy sobs. I nearly sobbed myself.

  “Please write a book about how a girl deals with her mother having schizophrenia. Make it a happy ending.”

  This is how this story was born.

  My Mother’s Keeper

  Love helps a young girl cope with her mother’s illness

  Evelyn Guy

  Published by Lulu.com www.lulu.com

  Copyright © 2009 by Evelyn Guy All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any from by any electronic, mechanical or OTHER means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the author.

  All characters in this book are totally imaginary. They have no relationship to anyone bearing the same or a similar name. All incidents are purely imaginary and bear no existence outside the author’s imagination.

  My Mother’s Keeper

  CHAPTER ONE Christine heard the ambulance siren wailing in the distance. She had to get to school. But, she couldn’t leave her mother like this. She had to see her into the ambulance before leaving. She couldn’t miss any more school, though. They had already been taken to court because she had missed so much. She didn’t want to stress her mother any more than she already was by having to deal with another court appearance. She would just have to be tardy. She would get Ms. Mabry to take her to school late. She often helped them out in an emergency like this.

  The ambulance stopped in the driveway. Christine went out to the yard to meet them. The EMT was walking up the walk toward the house.

  “Where is your mom?” he asked Christine. The EMT gave Christine a look of sympathy that almost made her dissolve in tears. She had to be strong, though. She was the only one to see to things when her mom was sick.

  “She’s in her bedroom. She won’t come out,” Christine told the EMT. They already knew her, since this was not the first time they had been to her house. They had been many, many times. “She sees small, black trolls in the doorway. She won’t come out.” Christine knew, as did the EMT, that her mother was hallucinating again. She had gone through a screaming episode this morning when Christine went in to try, again with no success, to get her mother to take her medicine. She had begun screaming at Christine. She couldn’t be consoled no matter what Christine told her. So, there was nothing for Christine to do but call the ambulance and have them to take her back to the hospital again. Her hospitalizations seemed to be getting more and more frequent lately. Christine knew it was her own fault. She just got so tired of fighting with her mom to get her to take her medicine. She would often just go off to school, knowing her mom wasn’t going to take her medicine, but not wanting to start her day with such anger. It ruined her whole day. She couldn’t focus at school or enjoy her friends or anything for thinking and worrying about her mom at home during those times.

  “Get them away from me. I won’t come out until you get them out of my room. They are looking at me. They are laughing at me.” Christine heard her mother screaming at the EMT, but she didn’t hear what the EMT said back. She just heard his deep, quiet, comforting voice. He was one of the ones that had come before, and he knew that in a bit her mother would calm down and would go with them. He was very patient every time he came. His low, comforting voice soothed Christine as much as it did her mother, even though she couldn’t hear what he said. She knew he was in charge now. She could relax and let him

  take charge. It felt good to not be the one in

  charge. She knew that he understood her mother’s

  hallucinations, at least as much as anyone could

  understand them. He had once confided in her that

  he had a brother with schizophrenia, and that he

  understood what she was going through. She was

  always relieved when he was the one that came

  out on the call. Her mother grew silent, and soon

  the EMT appeared in the door with her mother on

  the stretcher. Her mother looked so small and

  helpless. She was helpless, Christine thought.

  “Honey, we are taking your mother to the

  hospital. She has agreed to go. You already knew

  she would have to go, didn’t you, before you even

  called us? You know there is no other way to help

  her. She needs the hospital where she can be

  forced to take her medicine, and where someone

  will watch her all the time, make her eat, bathe, and

  all the things she should be doing. You knew that,

  didn’t you? There is no way you can do it all by

  yourself, and your mother is not capable right now

  of making daily decisions and caring for herself,

  much less you, too. You did know that, right?” The

  EMT spoke to Christine as the child she was. At

  sixteen, she had been cast into an adult role for too

  many years. It felt good to be treated as a child. “Yes, I knew. It is what is best for her, I know. I just wished . . . ” Christine broke off in mid-sentence. She really was secretly relieved that someone else would now be responsible for her mother for a while. She would really miss having her mom home with her, and her mom would be really angry at her later, and would blame her for everything. But, for right now, Christine wasn’t the one responsible. The EMT was, then the nurses at the hospital would be. She was so relieved that all the decisions, and her mother’s care, were no longer her responsibility, at least for a while. Not that she could relax or anything. She would still have to care for herself, and visit her mom and stuff. She always did a thorough cleaning of the house while her mom was gone, because her mom hated for her to move anything or throw anything away. She never got to thoroughly clean except when her mother was gone to the hospital.

  “You are going to school, right?” the EMT

  asked, breaking into her thoughts. He had been

  out here enough times to know that she had

  missed way too much school and really could not

  afford to miss today. He was one of the ones who was here when her mother had “lost it” after they had gotten back from court about her excessive absences. Her mother had thought the government was out to “get them” she said, and had imagined all sorts of bugs in their house, and thought people were watching their house. She had just really lost touch with reality, and Christine had called them that time. It hadn’t been that long ago.

  “I have got to go. I can’t miss any more school. Mom will have to go to jail, and pay a big fine. I have to go. I can’t go to the hospital with her. I hate to send her alone, but I just can’t be out of school anymore. You understand, don’t you?”

  “I surely do. She will be fine. Go to school, and then this Ms. Mabry can take you to the hospital to see your mother. She will be fine until you get there. The nurses will take good care of her. Do you have a way to school? I know the bus came by as we were coming in.” He ha
d met Ms. Mabry a number of times and knew that she often took Christine to school and to the hospital.

  “Ms. Mabry will take me. I will just have to go next door and ask her. She has said she will always be available.” Christine knew that her mother would be fine. She was relieved that she didn’t have to go with her mother, but she was reluctant to let the EMT know that. He might think she didn’t love her mother. In fact, Christine loved her mother dearly. But, she was so tired of trying to keep her mother well. It had been this way for about five years now. Christine was eight when her mother had her first breakdown. Her mother was only twenty-seven. She had tried to hurt Christine, because voices told her that she needed to cleanse the evil from her child. They told her that her child was the spawn of the devil, and had to be purified. Christine didn’t really remember too much of that day. She was so frightened, and she just wanted to forget the whole time. Her therapist had tried to get her to talk about it, but Christine didn’t see the need to do that. She just pretended to not remember it. Her life had never been the same since that day. Christine spent the next six months in a foster home while her mother was in the hospital getting treatment. The foster home was fine, but Christine really missed her mother and wanted to come home. It was a very long time, that six months. Now Christine was old enough that she could stay by herself, with Ms. Mabry to look in on her. Sometimes she just went toMs. Mabry’s and stayed the whole time.

  “Do you need a ride to school?” Ms. Mabry drove into the drive a few minutes after the ambulance left. Christine knew she had to have seen the ambulance, but she didn’t say anything. That was just the way Ms. Mabry was. She didn’t interfere, but she was always there if Christine or her mother needed anything. She always waited for Christine to tell her whatever she wanted to. She never pushed Christine about anything. This morning, Christine didn’t really want to talk about her mother. She was still feeling so guilty because she had not made her mother take her medicine. She had not been able to get her to take it for several weeks. That was why she was sick now, and going to the hospital. She didn’t know how Ms. Mabry would feel about her not doing her job, but she knew she was responsible. It was just too painful to talk about.

  “Do you want me to take you to the hospital after school?” Ms. Mabry’s question confirmed that she had seen the ambulance. She just didn’t push Christine for details. Of course, Ms. Mabry had been there many times when her mother had been taken to the hospital, so she knew what was going on.

  “Sure, if you can,” Christine said quietly. She was feeling very sad and blue, in addition to feeling a great weight of guilt. If she could just make her mom take her medicine every day, she would never get sick and have to go to the hospital. But, she couldn’t bring herself to yell at her mother. She knew it was necessary for her to take the medicine, but didn’t want to scream at her mother. That was the only way to get her to take the medicine. Sometimes her mother’s old boyfriend, Jerry, would come over and make her take it. But, he always yelled and even threatened her mother. Christine was frightened of him, and could never bring herself to call on him to help. She was glad when he just disappeared from their lives. Her mother never even seemed to notice his absence.

  Ms. Mabry tried to help sometimes, but her mom was so ugly to her that Ms. Mabry would just give up and leave without making her take it. Her mom just didn’t take her medicine if she didn’t want to. No one could make her do it, except the nurses when she was in the hospital. That is why she had to go to the hospital so often. It was to get her back on her medicine. After she was on the medicine for a while, she would be fine and would come home. She would be fine for a while, taking her medicine and going for therapy. But, she would always stop both, and end up like this.

  In spite of all that had happened, school that day was good. Her Reading/English teacher was sort of cool. She really seemed to care about her students. Christine wished she could tell her about her mom, and maybe share a little of how she felt about all of it. Mrs. Grey would probably understand. But, if it ever got out in school about her mother, she would never have a single friend. The kids would tease her, and she wouldn’t have a single friend left. Not that she had many, anyway. She never could invite anyone over, so soon the girls quit inviting her to their house as well. But, at school they were her friends. But, they wouldn’t be if they knew about her mother. Christine couldn’t risk telling Mrs. Grey.

  “Christine, would you read next, please?” Mrs. Grey often called on someone to read when she thought they weren’t listening or paying attention. She must have realized Christine wasn’t paying attention. Christine had been lost in thought. She had been wondering how her mother was now, and if she had to stay in the hospital for very long.

  “Uh . . . I don’t know where we are,” Christine spoke so quietly she could barely be heard.

  “Well, if you don’t keep up, you get a zero for reading today, since you aren’t staying on task. Melanie, show her where we are.”

  Christine read very well when she found the place. She was a great reader. In fact, she was good at all subjects, when she had time to do her work and could pay attention. She often got in trouble, though, for not paying attention. She would forget she was in school and be thinking about what all she had to do when she got home. Her mother no longer attempted any of the housekeeping chores. She complained that her medicine made her too sleepy. So, Christine did it all when she got home. She often spent time at school planning how to get all the chores done, do her homework, and still make time for her friends. She would forget she was supposed to be doing something at school, and would then get in trouble. Her grades were not bad, but she could have made straight A’s if she could spend enough time on her homework, and could pay attention in class.

  “Christine, are you coming to my house today for the party? We are going to have a lot of fun celebrating the end of school. We will celebrate not having old Mrs. Grey anymore. I can’t wait to get out of her class.”

  “I can’t come today. I have to go somewhere with my mom. You know, the mother and daughter thing. “ She didn’t dare tell them where her mother was. Anyway, she didn’t like the way they bad-mouthed Mrs. Grey. They thought she was horrible, saying bad things about her all the time, but it was because they didn’t want to work. They wanted to play all the time, like their former teacher, Mrs. Sparks, had let them do. Mrs. Sparks had left at the end of the first semester because she couldn’t take it any more. When Mrs. Grey took over in January, the students thought they would run her off like they had done Mrs. Sparks. Christine had been sure Mrs. Grey would leave, too. They had all treated her so badly. But, she stayed on. She kept telling them she cared for them all. The other kids laughed and taunted Mrs. Grey, but Christine felt like she really did care. She was glad there was someone at school who did care. Most of the teachers just wanted to get their paycheck. They didn’t care about the kids, and didn’tcare if they made good grades or not. Mrs. Grey always was giving them their average and tryingher best to get them to do a little more to raise their grade. She would give them all kinds of extra credit to try and help pull up a few extra points. But, most of the kids just laughed and made fun of her, and refused to do the work. Mrs. Greyhad given her extra credit to bring her grade from a B to an A. Christine appreciated that.

  That afternoon Ms. Mabry took her to see her mom. Her mom was very angry and agitated. She greeted her with angry accusations.

  “Why did you let them bring me here?” Christine had barely stepped into her mother’s room when she started in on her. “You knew I would get better in a little bit. Why did you call them? It is all your fault that I am here.”

  Christine knew her mother’s words were just that, words. It wasn’t true that it was her fault. But, she really hated having her mother mad at her. Her mother was all she had in the world, and she panicked when her mother got mad at her.

  “Mom, I did what I thought was best. You weren’t getting better. You would not leave your room because of the imagin
ed creatures. And, you haven’t taken you medicine in a long, long time. You needed help. I couldn’t help you.”

  “We would be fine if you would quit telling everyone all our business. Just give me time. And, that medicine makes me feel bad. You know that. I can’t stay awake. I can’t do anything at home any more with it. Now, they are forcing me to take it, thanks to you. You always have to call those stupid EMT’s. I think you like that one young man. That is why you call. You don’t care about me at all.”

  Christine sat with her mother for a few more minutes, listening to more of the tirade. She had learned a long time ago to just let her mother rant, and not try and say anything in her own defense. It just seemed to make her mother worse for her to answer her accusations. But, it really made Christine feel bad. She couldn’t stand for her mother to be angry with her. It made her almost not want to come see her. However, she really did miss her mother and couldn’t bear to stay away. CHAPTER TWO

  Things would always get better in a few days, after her mother had been on her medicine for a while. It would continue to be good at home for a while when her mother got out of the hospital, but then it would get bad again when her mother started refusing her medicine.

  This time, Christine thought, I am going to ask the nurses how they get her to take the medicine. Maybe I can try whatever it is they try so I can make her keep taking it. The only time she really knew her mother to act like a mother was the couple of months or so after she got out of the hospital. She didn’t take care of the house even then, but at least she was fun to be around. They would go places like shopping and the movies. That time always ended so soon, though.

  “Ready, honey?” Mrs. Mabry asked, looking in the door questioningly. “How are you, Sarah?” Mrs. Mabry always left Christine and her mother to visit alone. She wasn’t trying to avoid her mother. She just didn’t want to interfere with their time together. Christine wished she would stay during their visit. Maybe that way her mother wouldn’t be so critical of Christine.